Four things I have learned from violet

Being a mother is like being a freshman in high school. You think you know every thing, and then WAM! Brain overload! The scientific method of Who, What, Where, When , and Why, just turns into "Wa?". So here are some things that I have learned, since I have become a mother. I hope you enjoy

1) My new alarm clock doesn't have snooze - The days have long gone, of sleeping until I could dream no more dreams, and I would wake up. Even after being awaken I could swish my legs back and forth under cool blankets and scrunch my eyes closed until I would get bored of pretending to be asleep. Sleep...Sleep...Sleep, God, it sounds nice and peaceful, doesn't it?

"we are sorry to interrupt this beautiful scene but WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!"

That's right My alarm clock no longer goes beep beep, it no longer plays the latest rock song, Now it is a high pitched scream, that does not end until I am not only awake, but out of bed, peering over the baby crib through blurry sleep deprived eyes, and reaching my arms down to pick up my early riser, Violet.

Little violet doesn't have a snooze button, but she has a really cute "Good morning Mommy", smile. way better than any alarm clock, and cute enough to make you forget that you are tired.

2)dancing around like an idiot is no longer stupid it is cool at least for the babe- Look out every one I have just passed "can act like dork but is pretty cool" line on the Dork-O-Meter, and have gone into the red zone of "break out the black glasses with tape and do the sprinkler" line.

I always strived to be the "cool kid" growing up. To be the kid in school that was "like totally awsome", with the best clothes, and well, you know that air of... coolness. later on I became okay with just being "privlaged" enough to hang out with the cool kids, and settled comfortably into the crowds cool nerd role. BTW it doesn't count if your mom says "your cool to me" infact, if that happens the dorky fairy will sprinkle a little more dork dust on you, and make it worse.

So now I am dancing around like a maniac, arms waving in the air, feet stomping, jumping as high as my milk filled ta ta's will let me. I know it sounds sexy right? WRONG!! maybe after you have kids, your body just forgets how to do the sexy shake your booty dance. Nope, now it literally looks like I am having a seizure! But hey, at least for right now, violet thinks it is super duper cool. (saying super duper just put me in the "exploding dork" zone on the meter).
well, until i show up at her first school dance as a chaperonage, and do the "I'm making kool-aid" dance.

3) baby farts are always cute -I know, every one likes a good fart joke. But we all know that some times it just is inappropriate. I know every one has been in a situation where some one has done a little poofer, and you are just totally disgusted. I know you are going to laugh but here are some examples
a. When you are relaxing on the couch and your little brother is standing next to you and lets one rip right next to your head.
b. A buttercup to the face
c. while eating dinner your husband lets one go just as you are enjoying a big steak, and you can almost see the green gas oozing from his dent in the couch.
d. when you are spooning your husband and he lets one go on your belly that is so big it jiggles your stomach so hard a surfer could score a trophy on the waves.

ha ha ha ha.....yeah it is SOOOOOooooOOOOO funny. NOT!!!!!
*getting out my lab coat, and pushing up my glasses* You see baby farts are a new breed of fart. They are always cute, and you can actually be proud of your little ones toots. Not only do they come out of such a cute little bottom, they seem to surprise your little one in such a silly way, that you can't help but smile. Yes indeed baby farts are always cute.

4) that i need to invent nipple pads for girls with big boobies- So this one is for all those ladies that where stacked before they got pregnant and then just turned into the boob monster from hell after they have had a baby. Two words....Nipple Pads.
for those that don't know what nipple pads are, they are tiny little peices of what ever they are made out of, with a little sticky in the back. You place the tiny little things between your nipple and your bra, hoping that the sticky does it's job and stays in place. If you are breastfeeding they are supposed to absorb milk, thus preventing leakage all down your pretty shirt.
Ha if only. I have learned, since I have had the baby, I need to mass produce giant nipple pads for girls with real honking boobies. I mean like, tig ol' bitties
sorry guys if I am being a bit blunt. Just to warn you if you are not used to vulgar words you may want to leave this blog for the less modest person. This is only the beginning.
Now, don't misinterpret me. you may be thinking, "dang this girl has some freakishly large nipples", No I don't, but I don't think the nipple pads that are placed on retail store shelves have a one size fits all kind of thing going on. I'm just saying.
And don't get me started about the sticky on the back, that is supposed to hold it in place...To late. THEY SUCK. Listen, when you go to sleep and your bed is soaked in milk and you are trying to figure out where the heck your nipple pad went. You search and search and can't find it until you get up in the morning to take a shower and PLOP, out falls the nipple pad, that was lost underneath your chee chee, or some how it ends up in your armpit. I think maybe it is time for the nipple pad industry to start revaluating their products. Sheeeesh!

Yeah pretty funny, right? I know there is more learning that will be going on in the years to come. And I can't wait! Please feel free to leave some comments about what you have learned, it should be interesting.
Thanks for stopping by agian.